The Road to Altamullan Road (pt.I)

A Guest Blog from Kathy Criswell!

The path to Altamullan Road is paved with hopes, dreams, and hearts of old

In the bleak winter of early 2023, I found myself quite bored and snowed in due to a vicious blizzard and extremely cold temperatures. So, to pass the time in between bouts of video games and self-deprecation for all but giving up on art, I decided to look into Johanna Kurkela’s musical career. I had been a very casual fan for a bit, but didn’t know very much about anything related to her specific career—mostly just some scattered Finnish lyrics—and that she sang in Auri. Hilariously enough, I had actually used a photo of Johanna unknowingly for a character reference in a novel that I am writing. So, it’s hard not to think that this entire adventure was written in the stars.

I did some rudimentary Google searches and found bits and pieces, but only from her solo years. Now, my opinions on that era are mine alone and while I do immensely enjoy that music, I think it’s incredibly brave to embark on new adventures, especially one as important as abandoning success and fame in pop in order to pursue one’s own honest creative dreams! It’s not exactly relevant here, but we all start somewhere and I think it’s important to consider how lonely that could be. I personally don’t have any musical inclination except for making playlists for people and being a fan of things. That’s okay with me though—I like being a fan of things. 

There were a few interviews, some more in-depth than others, that spanned her works in Auri, Eye of Melian, and Altamullan Road. However, those left a lot of room for my insatiable curiosity about how her mind worked and how she had gotten to be where she was.  However, as curious as I was, I still have a very strong moral compass when it comes to interpersonal interactions. I refuse to snoop or believe silly tabloid nonsense. So, to get the information I was so curious about, I did the fairly obvious thing that more people should do—

—I listened.

I listened to interviews with a different degree of focus, found podcasts, and read interviews in multiple languages (thank you Google Translate, Duolingo, and my sweetie pie Finnish friends for all of the help). I took that information and used it to start interpreting lyrics and the like. I looked before asking and realized that a lot of my questions had been answered over the years. I just had to do a little bit of legwork to get there, which I was perfectly happy doing. Researching is fun for me. I’m always looking into something.  

While that was happening, I started asking my friends who lived in Finland or traveled there frequently if they knew anything that could add to my knowledge. Now, I didn’t expect too much, but I was blown away by the responses I got. The overwhelming response was that she was incredibly kind and tender-hearted. I knew she looked like a real-life precious Tinkerbell, but I was genuinely shocked that everyone had so many extremely positive things to say. I heard tales of her patience with overwhelmed fans struggling with their words, and the personalization of her conversations with people. I heard about her empathy and love for rocks and kitty cats. I learned amazing things. See, this is what happens when you listen when people speak. The more I learned, the more that I realized the biggest travesty of all was that no one seemed to know of her outside of Finland. And if they did, it was because of her husband. And I know this seems preposterous, but women are people too. And while it makes sense because they are both in Auri, it just irritated me. Perhaps that’s just a “me” thing, but I believe everyone has their own identity and it should be highlighted and celebrated uniquely. 

The music industry is filled with people who are charismatic but are not as wholesome as they seem. But in this case, it seemed to be that no one quite knew to what extent this woman’s generosity and warmth went. To this day I’m baffled at how so few people know that, which is why I am constantly making her (and her bandmates’) kindness known! Uplifting those worthy voices and ignoring the bad ones helps make the world a better place. By amplifying the good, I am muffling the bad. It’s really that simple. 

I realized that she did an interview where she explained that “Underwater” was the first song that she began and completed on her own in 2018. Now, we’re pretty similar in age, so to hear that someone my age not only swiveled their career path into a collaborative state instead of solo work, but also began to express themselves so creatively, inspired me in some life-changing ways. That’s not a small change to make and I don’t even make music so even I don’t have a clue. But, change is exhilarating and scary, depending on the context. 

Part of the reason I needed that morale boost was that 2022 saw almost nothing from me at all. I almost sold my iPad because it had been dead for months. I wrote some things in secrecy and I made one or two things at the end of the year. But, I had ordered the Altamullan Road debut album from Johanna’s website back in January (exactly a year from now) and when it arrived, it came with a sweet little note just saying thanks and happy listening.

That little note touched something in my heart. We live in a world where corporations own a lot of fashion and ordering online is dreadfully impersonal. In a world that was slowly emerging from our locked-down state, it was a strange balance to navigate.

As I held the album in my hands I realized two things:

One: that the only CD player I had was my PS5, and two: that I wanted to paint the cover. It was beautiful in its design and lighting. I posted the art piece to social media on my woefully quiet art Instagram (that is very much no longer quiet) and got a small pile of interactions, including from Johanna herself. It kind of shook me, I’ve never really made fan art except for some video game characters. So, to have someone actually interact with me was brand new. I don’t expect a lot from people who are extremely busy or introverted, so even just a casual acknowledgment meant the world to me. It was also strange to think that there was a real person behind that screen. Sometimes social media can be pretty great but it’s quite easy to fall into the trap of parasocial relationships or just forget those little pictures are run by actual people. 

Before anyone asks, yes, I know the Johannas are quite pretty, but that is not why I ended up painting the cover. I don’t really like saying that I paint pretty people… “pretty” is way low on the list of what makes me like someone. In fact, I really don’t think it’s on the list at all. All my friends are beautiful in all ways. Beauty, to me, comes from so many angles that it’s impossible to pin down.  My best explanation is that beauty comes from within but can very much be presented outwardly. I like things that are unique and memorable. I have brightly colored hair on half of my head and black on the other. Why? Because the black makes the other color more vivid. Truly, that’s why I love the color black itself. It exists very comfortably knowing that it makes its counterparts much more vivid. I think the same is true for Johanna. Perhaps I’m projecting, perhaps I just simply understand. Either way, I am forever in awe of the beautiful things in this world, and people aren’t high on that list. But, I would be a liar if I didn’t admit that I think women are some of the most beautiful things this world has. I don’t mean society’s standard of beauty, I don’t care about society. I care about what strikes my heart and takes my breath away. 🙂

Because of a pretty visceral reaction to a song off of the album, I got my hands tattooed, reading “dreams are dangerous” and “abnormality breeds calamity” in April of 2023. I loved the phrases and they are so incredibly dear to me. The lyrics are from “They Should’ve Sent a Poet” off of the Altamullan Road debut album. I have already unpacked this whole album in a different article but I do recommend checking out the film, Contact, that inspired it. If you’ve ever felt that your voice isn’t heard or you’ve been told that your aspirations are too wild—that song and film are for you.

To keep things concise, I will just say that those two phrases represent a lot of my life and journey healing and running hand and hand with the little girl in my heart who just wanted to tell stories and love everything on earth with all of her heart. I get to do that now, and that’s what makes this entire journey so very special. This adventure has been the best thing to ever happen to me—and that’s not an exaggeration.

I wrote and published a short story called “When It’s Time” over the summer. It’s not very long and the title is a nod to the opening track of the Altamullan Road debut album, but it meant the world to me. It proved that I could make dreams a reality, even in my 30s. The reception to the book frequently brings me to tears. My goal was to also tentatively approach the medium, just as Johanna had approached songwriting. I think that’s quite neat! Though most of you know me for art—I also started art in 2020, so if you’re reading this, start whatever you’ve been shyly contemplating, and then please tell me all about it because I care and want you to try your best! There’s a flood of terror and relief all in one when you just take the plunge. Just know that you are safe with me and you can always show me things you’re working on without fear of mocking or anything mean like that. 

If you read my other article about the Altamullan Road album, you’ll know that I wrote a pretty in-depth love letter to the album, albeit 3 years later. I listened to what they were saying and even dug deeper into my imagination than I have before and came up with some cool ideas. Music is fun that way. Perhaps I’ll do it when there is another album when that happens! Truly, if I could make a profession of just delving into Auri, EoM, and Altamullan Road albums, I would. 

Now, while all of this is happening, I was making art fairly regularly and getting better rather quickly. A lot of it was the stained glass style art that I developed to accompany some albums, but I had also been working against my imposter syndrome the whole time. Things very good and not so good were building in my heart and I didn't quite know why. What I did know was that I had started to earn the reputation of a big fan of Johanna’s. Now, I know this seems silly, but I feel like if there was a word for fan and friend mixed, I would be that. I don't like idol worship and I'm vehemently against putting people on platforms. We are all beautiful humans capable of amazing things. So, why would I try to isolate someone or myself like that? Hence, the friend aspect. Fan-quaintance if you will. If you have something better, please tell me [Bear called it a “frand” because she likes making up nonsense words]. The moral of the story is that performers are human and not deities and I get wildly uncomfortable when people use that comparison. I can’t even imagine what that feels like for a creator too. 

This meant that more people reached out to me with their stories of meeting her and I also began to cultivate friendships with people who interacted with my art of her and her bands. I channeled all my courage and asked her management if I could send some art to them, in hopes that they could pass it along. Oh, I was terrified to do that. My poor friends saw drafts and drafts of a single-paragraph email. But, it worked out in the end. And then I proceeded to instantly worry about every aspect of it, which was silly in itself. I don’t even remember what I wrote on any of those things but I spent quite a bit of time learning to paint just to make a cute box. I wanted to spend the time and effort on something just like that little note on my CD invoice earlier in the year. I wanted to show her that I saw her efforts and I was returning them. Money is silly, I would much rather use my skills and heart for gifting.

I spent most of the summer making lots of art and soaking up the sun. I impulsively bought Delain tickets and looked forward to that as well. I knew that Robin La Joy from EoM was their merch rep too, so I hoped to say hello to her as well. I had also written articles about the “Auri II” album and the Eye of Melian release too, which were so incredibly fun!

I saw the Barbie movie the weekend that it came out and boy oh boy, did that movie touch something in my heart. One of my favorite parts was Billie Eilish’s “What Was I Made For?” It plays at an incredibly poignant time with a visual montage that left me with shaking hands and tears all down my cheeks. It quickly became one of my favorite songs. That film made me dig way within myself to unpack some serious topics that I had been avoiding for years. It also led to my first self-portrait, where I also explained my fondness for all forms of beauty. That film and song became something I referenced all the time. I already loved Billie, but that song itself managed to work itself into my “on repeat” immediately.

I joked with a group of friends online that my most vulnerable wish that I could wish upon a star, would be to hear Altamullan Road cover it. I was 100% joking because I didn’t think they even knew it existed and also because it just seemed silly and impossible. They didn’t seem to be very active (because they are so busy with other things!) and why on earth would they be interested in that? Still, I would try to imagine what it would sound like. I have another list of songs that I would love to hear them sing, like “Olet mun kaikuluotain,” which is a Finnish cover Ville Valo did of my favorite John Denver song, “Annie’s Song.” There are a few Elton John songs and a couple of smaller artists, but it’s all for fun! Never in my life would I ask someone to do that. Still, it’s fun to imagine. “Maybe someday they’ll do karaoke, haha.” 

Then, in that same conversation, I joked again saying that if I ever heard “Ainiaan” from the Eye of Melian deluxe album live, I would just be so filled with happiness that I would have no other wishes in this world, except for people to be nicer to themselves and others. Remember both my wishes for later in the next article, yeah? My two wishes had a .0001% chance of working out. 

So over the summer, I went to see Delain in Chicago, which also meant that I got to meet up with Robin, who is the lyricist/merch queen/literal beam of sunshine/resident pep-talk giver for EoM and Delain. I had spoken to her briefly via the EoM Instagram account where they very kindly shared some of my art, but I was ecstatic to see her in real life. Our conversations were great but the main key point to take away is, when asked about Johanna, Robin got the biggest smile on her face and spoke of her so fondly that I actually began to tear up! Then, she took me completely by surprise and said that Johanna had called me nice. I don't get to hear people saying good things about me much, so that was a moment that is nestled deeply into my heart. I mattered enough to people to be mentioned at all? Kind of mind-blowing to me, honestly. 

On October 11th, I woke up at 3 a.m. and checked my phone to see that Altamullan Road had posted a photo. And the little preview on my screen looked an awful lot like their tour announcement from 2020. Immediately my heart began to thump as I opened the notification. I had to roll over and cry into my cat's belly so I didn’t wake up my spouse. I was so excited for them! They announced a tour! Having to cancel their tour meant that their only live performances were their Instagram videos and a single video episode of SuomiLOVE, which I had bookmarked for months. It’s beautiful. They truly are a duo that just embeds all their music with the utmost love and respect. And in the day and age of diss tracks and unnecessarily dramatic headlines pitting women against each other, a pair of women who just love and respect each other so wholly, truly stands out. 

So, I did what any rationally minded fan does when some of their favorite humans announce a tour 5000+ miles away…

I bought two tickets and began to plan a trip with three of my friends who live around the globe. We made an Instagram (a reference to a hysterical typo that I made) and began to document our journeys to get to the concerts. I hadn’t even had a chance to get out of bed before I started planning. I bought the tickets to force myself to get everything lined up. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, truly. Never in my life did I think that I would travel or see Altamullan Road live. And even though I’m writing this series of articles after the fact, it still doesn’t seem real. I hope you will continue to follow my journey to my next two blogs, which will document my travels and experiences with the shows. 

Thank you so much for reading this first installment. I know it is long, but I need you all to understand the context of my fan journey to know why this is the adventure of a lifetime. I hope to see you in the next part, that’s when it gets really good.